Sanitary Towels, Please
by Kinkajouu
Summary: Tala thinks he’s having a period. Poor Kai has to run around after him, until they find out the real reason for Tala’s bleeding from the doctor. Yaoi, oneshot, funniness.


+ Tala thinks he's having a period. Poor Kai has to run around after him, until they find out the real reason for Tala's bleeding from the doctor.

+ Warnings: Funniness.

+ Disclaimer: I wish I owned it. But I don't.

+ A/N: I really need to control my brain.

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**Sanitary Towels, Please**

Kai arched an eyebrow as he watched Tala rush into the kitchen in a blind panic. He lowered his paper which he had been reading, and looked at Tala's stressed face with a little concern.

"Are you alright?" Kai asked.

"NO!" Tala shouted, clutching at his arse. "I think I'm having a period!"

Kai didn't know whether to laugh or be seriously worried for Tala's sanity.

"Tala… Only girls have periods," Kai said calmly, trying his damn best not to laugh.

"But… But I'm bleeding! You're wrong, Kai. I am on my period."

Kai watched as Tala stormed back out of the kitchen, and heard him stomp up the stairs. Deciding to make sure Tala wasn't going to do anything silly, like shove a roll of toilet tissue up his arse as a make-shift tampon, Kai also went upstairs, where he found Tala pulling down his trousers and underwear.

"Look," Tala said, bending over so Kai got a full view of Tala's arse, "I'm bleeding. There is blood dribbling from my arse. I am having a period."

"Tala, you really ar-"

"I am!" Tala interrupted, straightening himself up, and sitting on the toilet. He folded his arms and pouted at Kai. "I am not moving from this spot until you get me some womanly supplies."

"Tala, what-"

"Sanitary towels, please," Tala interrupted again, closing his eyes.

Kai sighed, and left the bathroom. He grabbed his coat as he left the house, and walked the short distance to the nearby shop. He couldn't help feeling a little bit nervous about what he was about to buy. He was a man. He should not be buying this sort of thing.

Kai gulped as he walked down the Health and Beauty aisle. His eyes came to rest on the tampons and sanitary towels, and he marvelled at how many different types there were. Kai picked up a box, and took a look at it. It was a box of tampons, that had special skirts.

Why did women want tampons with skirts?

Putting the box back, Kai shook his head. He picked up the first packet of sanitary towels he laid eyes on, and was relieved to see that they didn't do fancy tricks or have skirts. Kai tried his best to hide the packet as he waited in the queue, and as he reached the checkout, he couldn't speak because he was so embarrassed.

When Kai returned home, he wasn't surprised to find Tala exactly where he left him. Tala was still sat on the toilet, with his arms folded, a pout on his face, and his eyes closed. Kai threw the sanitary towels at Tala's head as he entered the bathroom.

"Here are your bloody sanitary towels. It was so fucking embarrassing, having to buy them, when you're not even having a period," Kai snarled.

"Yes I am!" Tala snapped, opening the packet, and taking out a towel. "How do you put these things on? Are they supposed to stick to your body or something?"

"I don't know, Tala. I can't say I've ever had to use one," Kai replied, rolling his eyes.

"Hmm, does it have instructions?" Tala said, looking around the packet. "Hmm… It doesn't. I'm guessing you just have to remove this paper thing, and then stick it to you."

"Tala, I think you have to stick it to your underwear. Not yourself."

"Oh, yeah… That'd make more sense."

Kai watched on as Tala peeled the paper off the sticky side of the sanitary towel, and he pressed it to his underwear. Tala pulled his underwear up, followed by his trousers, and wiggled about a bit, frowning.

"They're a bit uncomfortable. I suppose I'll just have to get used to them."

"Tala… You are not on a-"

"Shut it, Kai! Yes I am!"

Kai sighed again, and made to leave the bathroom. Before he could escape to another room, Tala had latched himself onto Kai's arm, and stared up into Kai's face with adoration. Kai attempted to manoeuvre them down the stairs without making them fall over.

"You're the best boyfriend ever, you know that?" Tala said.

Kai frowned. Tala really was acting like he was on a period. He was even PMSing! Kai nodded in reply to Tala, and led him back into the kitchen. He sat Tala down at the table, and took out a bar of chocolate from one of the cupboards, placing it in front of Tala.

"Chocolate?" Tala questioned, raising an eyebrow at Kai.

"Yes. Women eat loads of it when it that's time of the month. Knock yourself out. I need to make a phone call," Kai replied, walking back into the hall, closing the kitchen door behind him.

Kai picked up the phone, and dialled the number for the doctors. He knew Tala couldn't possibly be on a period, so there had to be some other reason why he was bleeding. Kai made an appointment for later on that afternoon with one of the nurses, and hoped Tala would accept the fact that he was not having a period.

The afternoon soon came, and Kai had somehow managed to persuade Tala to go to the doctor's. Tala wasn't happy about it, and was pouting more than he had before, but Kai seemed to have persuaded him when he mentioned something about sexytime later on that night.

Tala was easily persuaded with sex.

Tala still wore his pout as they sat in the waiting room of the doctor's. Most of the other people waiting were old folk, blowing their noses, coughing, or complaining about their aching bones. Tala had rolled his eyes when they had sat down, and muttered something about 'bloody coffin-dodgers'. Kai had told him to be quiet.

"Tala Valkov?" a nurse called, poking her head out of a nearby room.

Kai got up and pulled Tala along with him. Kai had seen the look of disdain on Tala's face when the female nurses head had poked out of the room. He had clearly been hoping for a male nurse.

As the nurse examined Tala, Kai was watching Tala's face. He looked bored, and kept rolling his eyes at Kai, making Kai want to laugh. The nurse allowed Tala to pull his underwear and trousers back up, and told Tala what Kai had thought.

"Tala, you don't have to worry. You're not having a period. Only women can have periods. The cause of your bleeding is that some tissue in your rectum has been torn a little."

The nurse told Tala that it would heal on it's own, and not to 'stretch' it too much. She was looking at Kai when she said this, clearly knowing what the two could've been getting up to for Tala to bleed. As Tala and Kai left the doctors, Tala gave Kai a playful slap.

"See? I told you I wasn't having a period!"

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A/N: Onto the next update :|

Actually, I highly doubt I'll get another update done tonight… But you never know :P


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